June Clever, a name we all know, is what comes to mind as I contemplate the download, I feel God has been placing into my spirit. I have always been mesmerized by the glamour of that time. The cute dresses, clean houses, gourmet meals for the family. The family. Being there for the family.
Some would call that a waste, but I am beginning to see that the stress that an 8 to 5 job causes is a waste for my family. The kids that are raised by other people so that we can work to make more money to do and go, only for the weekend to come and be full of chores, or just sitting around because we are tired. A laundry list of projects begging for our attention and no energy to devote to them. Then there are the kids and their wants and needs plaguing you. Are they're desires really that far-fetched? To go to the library, park or beach even? So, we just sink deeper into a pit of "next week" or "we will see" but it never comes. Why? Because we are drained from the week or have chores to do? Where is the waste now?
The term "Trad Wife" came up in my feed recently and I ventured a bit down that rabbit hole in the last week or so. Did you know that is a movement? A group of women trying to recapture the Traditional Housewife. Some sport their 50s style dresses, while others just look cute and perfect. They have immaculate clean houses and make everything from scratch. I find this quite interesting, and though I have always wanted to own a 50s style dress, I want to be somewhere in between that and reality.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching these last few months. What I have found is that there is no fulfillment in my 8 to 5 anymore. I have been doing what I do since 2000. I love and understand insurance. I enjoy selling it, helping people save money and get better coverage. However, over the last couple of years, it has become a drain and my 8-5 now feels empty and like something is missing.
Eric and I have been seeing a therapist for a while now, and it has really helped me to get to the root of my feelings. Love it as I may, insurance is not my calling. It has been my way to make a living but not my calling. From the time I was a girl, there were two things I always wanted to be. A mom and a teacher. There is the source of the sadness and emptiness I feel. The little girl inside, whose hopes and dreams were simple, is sad. She is watching her children grow up, not having the mom she always wanted to be for them. The mom that wants to go to the park, the library and the beach too! The mom that wants to bake, get them to their sports practices on time, and be there for them. To help with homework. To have a home that is clean and calm for them. To go on adventures together!
My mom and I were talking yesterday about something altogether different, but the statement she made was like a punch to the gut. She mentioned someone she knew long ago, stepped away for pastoring to care for his wife who was sick. When asked about it he said, "I feel she is my ministry right now." That hit home, and I felt that little nudge of the Holy Spirit inside say, "They are your ministry!" I thought about the amount of faith it took to step away from work to do that as well. I do not know his complete situation, but I am sure it was a stretch.
"Two weeks" and "prepare" are the words that are going through my head still. I have sat on them, pondering and waiting to see where God was leading. I now know this is it. This is where he is leading, and the time is now. As scary as it is, I know that if he calls you to do something, He will walk with you and provide for you. He has done that without fail over the years. So why do I hesitate? Fear? Wanting to make sure I have the security of another more flexible source of income lined up? Do we have a savings? Yes. Do I want to use it? No. Did God just bring to mind "Store up treasures in heaven, where moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal"? Yes.
So, with that, I feel by the leading of the Holy Spirit this is the new Griffin Adventure. Our journey into this different way of doing life. The journey of stepping away from the norm, going to one income and choosing family. Our boys are halfway to adulthood, and time is short. Please pray for us as we embark on this journey. At this moment, I have no idea what this is going to look like, but I know all will be made clear soon.
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