Here we are, just two weeks into our journey. This week is significant as it was supposed to be my last week at my former job, but here I am two weeks in. The reality has set in that my last paycheck was received last Friday and that will be the end of that income. That is a scary thing, but I know we will be fine. God has opened up doors for us. The week I left my job, we found out Eric's company was sold. This struck fear in us at first, but as more information has been given, we are actually finding this to be a good thing. This move has also opened up an opportunity for some freelance work with his old parent company. God has also opened the door for the camper to be rented out, so I see him moving and opening doors for provision.
I have learned somethings these past two weeks though. I have had time to reflect and the biggest thing that I have found is peace. Peace that has filtered down into my family and home. I feel like I stepped back into me. This is me. The stay at home mom, who is there for her kids and family. Spending my day keeping a home, taking care of things that tend to get neglected, especially when focused on a full time job. When I reflect on the last 5 years, after returning from Alaska, I remember the decision for me to start working again. It was not something I took lightly. I had spent all my time with the boys after the birth of Hudson. But I felt led to take that step, and if I had not, we would not be where we are right now. I totally see God's hand in it. My income helped us through a very difficult time. He used that income for us to flourish, get back on our feet and into a house. But then I see the strain my working put on my family and on my health. I was having severe anxiety, and knew I was working myself into an early grave. The tug of war of customers needs and numbers and quotas was becoming too much. I could do the job, and was told I was good at that job, but I had ask myself....is it worth the cost to my family and health. No, no it is not.
So here are the things I have noticed that has changed over the last couple of weeks. A big one is I have noticed a change in the boys. They seem more content and stable, especially Hudson. He seems to be calmer than he was before thing change. What is funny about this, is their routine has not changed all that much. They still ride the bus to school, go to after school care, Karate, and Football practice. Their day to day is still very much the same. But I feel the peace and order this transition has brought to them has made a difference.
Then there is the change in Eric. He has come a very long way these last few months without this change, but he seems to be walking taller now. The amount of love and support he has showed me during this transition has been unreal. But, the truth is he has always preferred I be at home, that was always his dream for a wife too. I remember early on in our marriage, we would always joke about him being a male chauvinist, because he wanted to have a wife that was in the kitchen and tending to him and the kids. But honestly, that was my dream also.
Then there is the change in me. I do not sit around idle all day, eating bon bons and watching tv. I have been busying myself with projects. Projects that have been neglected a long time. When I was working full time, all time spent at home was used either decompressing, or getting things done around the house. Every weekend was used for the boys sports and resetting the house for the week. There was never time to breath and relax, for Eric or myself, because we would tackle it together. Now, all those projects and the house work are my 9-5 and the nights and weekends have become a bit more leisurely. The house has become peaceful and I have been told I have a peaceful glow now. I am now looking forward the summer and the boys being home and in just two and and half weeks those adventures will begin. I am excited for the future.
After summer, do I see myself returning to the workforce? Probably not, and definitely not into anything resembling what I just left. I will definitely find something to supplement our income though, but I feel this inner peace, this feeling like I just stepped back into who I am and my purpose, is not worth giving up again. There are multiple things in my mind, directions I can do to supplement, but at this moment, I am finding the new normal and enjoying this new found freedom and will wait on God and the path he has for me.
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